Normally I don’t blog when I feel down or frustrated, that is a large reason (besides for school) why I can’t blog consistently. I decided today to blog about about a difficult topic for me: depression. I struggle with depression and anxiety and I am 100% okay with admitting that. I know many people don’t believe in putting their mental health conditions out there for all to read about because society still seems to be confused and think that we (people dealing with these conditions) can fix them and they are not the same as a physical condition; that is a lie. People who have physical and mental health conditions can not fix them by themselves, that’s why there are doctors. I am sure some parts of society look at me differently but I don’t care about that. I care about being fully aware of my emotions and trying to handle them the best I can. Unfortunately, sometimes they take control of me internally, meaning on the outside I will seem totally fine or just a little off but I am actually exhausted and fighting my own mind inside. I want to make sure everyone understands there’s different levels of depression and anxiety. I am lucky to not have depression or anxiety that makes it impossible for me to live my life. I learned through counseling how to cope with my conditions and I have found the right medicine that doesn’t make me a zombie. I HATE relying on medicine. In fact I have tried to wean myself off the medicine (NOT Dr. approved!) but I have found that I do need my medicine in order to not be an emotional wreck.
Now, the point for this blog is that my depression gets much worse with weather conditions. Winter in Virginia is a very rough time for me. I often am angry or sad because I need more sun and there is a serious lack of it. I have thought about moving home (to Southern California) so many times but God keeps making it obvious that I need to stay where I am right now. Normally, once Spring comes I start to feel better and life becomes easier for me, however, I feel that this Spring has been rougher than usual and I can’t seem to get out of my “funk.” We had a couple weeks last month that were wonderful and sunny and warm; they started to “thaw” my depression. However, this last week or so has been so rainy and gross that I am ready to just go crazy (yes, I used the word “crazy” in a mental health post). I want to go outside and run, walk, and bike but the weather is so bad lately I can’t! I took the dogs for a walk a couple days ago because I am so tired of being stuck inside and we got caught in a horrible rain storm. Luckily, it was a very warm day and the walk was fun (for me, the dogs hate the rain) but my phone did get a little water damage. 😦 The thing is, that even though that walk was fun, it was cut short because it was raining so hard. I only was able to go about 1.4 miles and when we had left the house I had hoped to walk at least 3 or until I started to feel better. Exercising is a great way to help with anxiety and depression!!!
I was hoping to have some fun things to blog about this weekend but I don’t and that makes me sad. I wanted to ride my beach cruiser to the farmers market but I couldn’t, I wanted lots of walks and maybe some runs to talk about but I don’t. The dogs and I are ready to get out and explore but we have to wait for the weather to change. I’m hoping it does soon so I can have some great posts for you all to read! I hope that this post helps some readers realize that it is okay to discuss your emotional health and that if anyone is struggling they are not alone. I had to write this post to get these feelings of frustration about the weather and my emotions off my chest. Thanks for listening! 🙂
P.S. I hope where you all are you are enjoying some wonderful weather!!!!